Monday, January 2, 2012

Kayla Monay

Happy to see 2011 go and excited to walk into my future.
A future I will be more aware of as it becomes the present before it passes me by. So many things have changed over the course of 2011 and it was one of the most challenging years of my life. One of the years that has taught me lessons I know I needed to learn. Priorities change, people change, perspectives changed. 

After leaving my emotions behind and putting my potential first I have realized God forced this change on me. I knew in 2011 God was telling me to make certain decisions so I really brought some things on myself. Now it time to make some changes, not anew but progressing because I need the experiences of my past for my future.I am re-decorating my room and becoming more frugal with my funds. I am buying a yearly calendar and setting goals for the year that I will complete. For my future, for my family, for me. I don’t need easy, I just need possible.

Over the past three years I have realized many things about myself and made improvements for the better. I am proud of myself but I know I still have a long way to go. In the mist of those years I experienced the most blissful happiness. Although it came with some ups and down I know it was authentic and that God will bless me with that type of happiness again one day. I just pray that I haven't been scared and will be open for that when he sends it my way an deep down I know I will. The only problem was while moving forward in one lane I ignored God telling me to keep the balance with the other. Once time is gone it’s gone and all you can do is straighten up and make use of what you have left. December 2011 I made some choices: To put myself first, which I never had a problem with before but it was always in the wrong areas. While it is important to me to love whole heartily and selflessly there are sometimes conditions at 20 years old. Only my kin needs to come before me at this age and time in my life, an 5 year plan for just Kayla needs and is being developed. 

Loneliness is God isolating you so he can talk to you. Work on you. Feed your spirit. It’s hard for God to talk to you when you have people or things as your noise. I’m happy God have removed some things and much as I miss some, it was for a season, for a reason. What that reason is I have stopped questioning but what I do know is that I am blessed beyond belief. I have learned in the ends 2011 to take my eye off of the hardships and pain because if I don’t I will never make it. And I WILL make it. Remembering: Persistence, Performance, and Patience. No more games, no more procrastinating.

Making choices I know that I need to make.
Remember no one is going to hand it to me so no need to wait.
Removing things that I know don’t belong.
And even when it feels so right but it’s not, staying strong.

Priorities in place, dancing with grace, reclaiming my space.

‎"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, could say, 'I used everything You gave me." - Erma Bombeck

XO Kayla Monay